BEST BOOK EVER, Go buy it NOW!!!!

So I downloaded and read "I Just Want to Pee Alone" by some hilarious Mom Bloggers Amazon link, I just Want to Pee Alone.

It was an informative, hilarious, eye opening, honest, sarcastic, best read of all time.
I swear I giggled. I laughed. I snotted my own face. I nearly CRYPEED (when you laugh so hard you cry and pee a little). If you haven't heard of this book, and are a parent, want to be a parent or just enjoy nightmare parenting situations handle with a sense of humor you definitely need to download or buy this book. I follow them on Face.book and read their blogs, makes being a Mom much easier to live with!!

The perils of nail painting

So, the man ran to the store for a few items I needed for St Patty's Day dinner yesterday. It was just me and Chase.
I decided to pull out the gel polish crap and do my nails, I have an interview today with the CEO of the company.
Now gel nails are a much faster, longer lasting manicure than traditional polish and each layer dries in 30 to 60 seconds when cured under the LED lamp. I get to the base coat layer on the second hand (not even 1/3 of the way into the manicure) and in walks mini me with a hand on his belly and "that face".
Mommy, my belly hurts, I think I have to poop. GREEEAAAT. (How many times does this kid crap a day?!?!)
Well buddy you are either going to learn to wipe yourself today or you are going to sit an extra 7 to 10 minutes when you are done.

We spent a good 5 minutes arguing that he could learn to wipe himself, and him saying no.
So he waits, an extra 8 minutes. I go in to do that which I hate more than almost anything and he asks if my nails are dry and has to touch them to make sure. I do the deed and when he gets up he has the BIGGEST, most RED ring on his ass from the seat.

Is it crazy of me to think at 4 years old, and an ass that smells worse than the other 2 boys I live with combined, he should learn how to wipe his own ass? Is that crazy? Anders is 12 I can not remember when he started doing it himself.

Hopefully at some point before I die, Chase will have to wipe my ass for a while, payback is a bitch.

sort it out

I have no idea what that means. do you? My wise beyond her years sister, did a blog about sorting it out, taking it one task at a time and being realistic about it. Yeaaahhhh I don't understand how to possibly do that.
I can make a list of what needs to be done, what has to be done, what I would like to get done etc. It would be as big as Webster's 8,000 edition. I should just put this on my list:
Make kim make my list and then do it
ha ha ha ha ha ha

have you seen me lately?

I haven't.

I'd assume at this point I was shattered into pieces, set fire to and am now invisible...unless you would like to verbally assualt me in which case I appear to be fully intact..

that is all

I love you A$$hole

is what my 2 1/2 year old said to me the other day. I said what did you just say? He repeated it. I said please don't say that word it's BAAAAAD. I hear him telling the dogs to stop biting asshole. Um do I do that? often? apparently I do. My man says yeah you're awful and he totally learned it from you. Not 4 hours later did he yell at one of the dogs incessant barking outside "Knock it off asshole"...I said um yeah, it's just me..."

So we have once again implemented a "curse jar" normal everyday not as offensive curses are change, whatever change you have in your pockets will do. The F bomb that's a dollar...I'm gonna be f*cking broke in a month, just sayin.

uninvited

apparently the uninvited here is my motivation. ha ha anyone seen it? i can't get motivated about anything. work, working out etc. I felt GREAT when I worked out 4 to 6 days a week, stopped eating most meat etc. I fell yuck now. I've only had a slight slide from my ways but its enough to not even want to exert effort. Effort? wtf is effort ? I don't even remember (so if in a year i sign on here and post a new oicture and look like Shamu well I never did find the effort) This will never happen because I am way too vain to let it. tru story.

So my Lobster (previous post has explanation of said name) is back to work with smart phone and on FB...yes that makes me happier. but this place that pays me to do stuff for them daily....well i don't wanna and they keep giving me stuff. wtf do they think I have to do work for pay? yeah ok ha haha.

Back to work....yucko

baby hitl.er??

ha ha ha so it's been foreva cause....I actually forgot about this joint with the business of my life. yeah I suck...blow me.

So for St Pat's Day my family and friends i consider family got together this Sat (Old lame working ppl don't party on Thursdays anymore). We put a construction paper mustache on my neighbor's baby and made him hit.ler. Yeah it's wrong but it was so funny we couldn't help but take pictures with him....while he was wearing.

as if that's not bad enough My Brother in Laws van was at my neighbors for repair and Friday night I put a sign in the back window that read: Hey kids...free candy (and in fine print wrote & roofies).

I'm an asshole you can't dare me to run over to the van in slippers at midnight and tape a sign in a van...I will always do it.